I talk a lot about language and the messages that we send whether consciously or unconsciously. One of my favourites is, “oh look if I can do it anyone can”. Always said with the best intentions. It’s even a little self-deprecating, implying that if this person, with all their faults and failings can achieve this thing then anybody can.
Maybe they are right, maybe anyone can achieve the same results- but there is no guarantee that it will be easy, that everything that they did is what you and I need to do. There is nothing in that statement that talks about what it took to create the change necessary to achieve this goal. But worst of all this statement says, if I can do this anyone can- any fool can sort this because I have and I’m not that clever or disciplined or whatever it may be.
When someone else tries it and it doesn’t work for them, what does that make them? What message should they take away about themselves when they fail to achieve this thing that’s “easy- even I’ve achieved it”.
When we have something about ourselves that we would like to change these messages, though meant to be encouraging can further diminish peoples’ feeling of self-worth. Every time they fail to achieve the thing that everyone else has seemingly no issue with it just chips away even more.
Recently I was talking to a health coach, a young vivacious woman with 2 children and a thriving business. She told me she had lost 30kgs – wow says I that’s an amazing accomplishment. Then she told me yes it was, it took her 2 years and it was hard yakka. And that’s the message that she tells people who come to her for help to lose weight. It’s not easy, otherwise we’d all be at just the right weight and eating healthy foods all the time. It’s a process like many other things in life and for some people there are obstacles to face and realisations to come to before they are able to achieve their personal goals.
Today's message
Be happy for other people that have achieved their personal goals, even chat to them about how they managed to accomplish them, there may be a few tips in there that will help you. Remember though that they are not you, they don’t live with the people that you live with, have the same priorities that you have or the same set of values.
And if you’re someone who has achieved something marvellous - share the whole message, there were probably some hard bits- it can really help others to know this.
